So, I’m about to get a little personal. In August, as I’m listening to Fab, I made a promise to myself to “stop being friendly to the f**k boys”. At that moment, I took an oath to refocus all my efforts onto myself so I slowly cut off ALL contact with trash men, past and present. I’m only a seasonal dater but I’ve been known to entertain a sucker or two in the off season (sue me). I had to stop that foolishness. So, over the past five months of my “no f**k boy policy” I have had a few epiphanies and I just want to share the joy and clarity that has come from taking out the garbage, as I like to put it.
Before we start pouring the tea I’m going to tell you a scrub, buster, dawg, etc. can be ANYONE, not just a man. So yes, these facts apply to anyone you may date, no matter their gender. Besides that, these are just general bits of advice that you can really be applied to all relationships, not just romantic to identify and hopefully, rid yourself of all that toxicity because nobody is worth your peace, sis.
· Don’t ignore the red flags
Sometimes-most times, your bff, mama, or older sister is not a hater. What you might take as jealousy is more than likely some sisters looking out for you. If you are feeling somebody you may ignore all the red flags like they only call you when it’s convenient, never want to spend time together at decent or reasonable hours, or they are secretive. If you are as hardheaded as a lot of us, congratulations, you’re about to play yourself. People tend to show you who they are in one way or another, you’re just too stubborn to see it. Instead of always looking for the best in them just take in what they are showing you at face value.
· They never let you come to their place
I created a list of “dating rules” based on my all my bad experiences and a major one is “if you can’t see where they live, don’t trust em!” I don’t care about the circumstances, if they have a roommate, live at home, stay in a dorm, whatever. If a person is really feeling you then they should trust you enough to let you into their home. If they don’t, 9/10 they are hiding something or SOMEONE and trust me baby, you do not want any of those problems.
· They speak negatively about past partners or people, period
This is a major one. Someone who must berate people from their past is either not over that person or has some other things going on. Anyone who feels the need to constantly speak negatively on people have issues anyway. This is outright toxic behavior. It is not a compliment when they compare you to an ex on a consistent basis pointing out the things he/she would or would not do or the kind of person they were. Personally, I believe anyone before or after me is not my business. No one wants to hear a person talk about their ex no matter the tone but when it is negative heed my warning, that person likes to play the victim and if you’re not careful you’ll end up being their next villain.
· Listen to the streets, they talk for a reason
Now, I’m not going to steer you wrong by saying believe everything you hear but I will tell you to pay attention. Like the saying goes, “not everyone is going to tell the same lie”. If you notice a reoccurring theme in all the tall tales you hear, especially when unprovoked, just be aware. Don’t go out sad trying to ignore EVERYTHING just because you believe everybody is “hating” [inserts eye roll]. This all goes back to ignoring the red flags. If it’s common knowledge that the person you’re seeing has been messing with someone else for years and you hear they are still kicking it, that might not be so far-fetched. I’m not saying judge someone off what you hear but don’t turn a blind eye either.
This list can honestly go on forever. There are so many signs that give toxic people away. Do not fall victim to people that are only out to play you from jump. Being able to identify the toxic people will make it so much easier to acknowledge and appreciate the good people. As for me, I am still happily f**k boy free. Maybe one day I can write a blog for ya’ll dropping a boo worth claiming but until then I’m going to live peacefully and positively.
UPDATE: Over a year later and your girl is still happily f**k boy free!