Staying Secure


AKA Issa AIN’T the Problem

AKA Issa’s Not the Problem

Our beloved Issa has become the latest victim of today’s cancel culture. In a long stream of recent twitter takedowns, ashys and pick-mes alike, have targeted one of today’s most innovative and influential Black voices over an excerpt (posted below) from a book that 98% of them have never read. The excerpt suggests that due to negative stereotypes, Black women and Asian men should seek out one another romantically. Of course, the woke and bitter community flooded the web with insults and assumptions showing their ashiness as always. This is less than surprising seeing as they spend their free time looking for the next “sellout” to blast. I’m not here to argue viewpoints or interpretations but I will say Issa is not the issue and I am not about to boycott her or Insecure, especially on the cusp of season three (ya’ll wild!).


Before further discussion, let’s establish some terminology.

Collective: A generalized group of individuals referred to as a whole with traits based on the thoughts, behaviors, and actions of the majority.

This means we are speaking of the majority and not of each individual person that comprises the collective.

The matter of the fact is that even though the excerpt is likely satirical given Issa’s writing style, the concept is completely logical and understandable. I am not endorsing the idea but I’m not dismissing its rationale because it addresses a deeper issue within the Black community. Dating as a Black woman has never been easy, and Issa is certainly not the first to take notice. In 1965, Eartha Kitt said the following in an interview about her marrying a white man, “Oh yes, that caused the resentment. I was married to Bill McDonald in 1960. People would say ‘Why didn’t you marry a Black man?’ I would reply “because the white girls had them!” The men I wanted to be with, Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte, dated predominantly white women. I’m talking about the 50s. When Harry Belafonte kicks me out of his bed in Philadelphia and said: ‘I don’t want you to take me seriously because no Black woman can do anything for me’. I could not help him to progress to where he was going to go. “A black woman would hold a black man back”, that’s what he told me. If I wanted to marry a black man there wasn’t one because the white girls had them.”

Black men have long praised non-Black women with “Black” features and attitudes claiming their adoption of Blackness has made Black women obsolete based solely on the acquisition of physical attributes or impersonation of stereotypical behaviors associated with the Black woman persona. The negative comparisons of Black women to their non-Black partners is only the beginning of the barrage of insults they hurl at us without provocation. On any given day, whether online or in real life, Black women are subject to the constant belittling and denigrating comments and opinions from Black men.

It's quite clear the disrespect and double standards Black women face daily. Add the general woes of being Black and female on top of the constant hate received within our own community would it be any surprise that we collectively sought out non-Black partners? No, at least it shouldn’t be. Black men chuck up them dating anyone BUT Black women to “preference” but the moment a Black woman expresses any kind of interest in non-Black men/women or states any kind of physical preference they are relentlessly and maliciously attacked. I’m tired of pussyfooting around the issues here, Black men as a collective are lucky that most Black women have been brainwashed by internalized misogyny and gas lighted by the struggle love narrative. Once Black women acknowledge their self-worth and establish suitable standards, they are attacked further for being seemingly underserving of men who meet these standards. Usually when women reach this level of awareness they are then categorized into one of two undesirable groups, the gold digger or the overly independent woman.

While both are assumed to be high maintenance, one wants a man to provide for her and the other comfortably provides for herself. The issue is that there is no way for Black women to please anyone because as you can see there is no balance to how they are perceived. If you submit to a man and become dependent upon him, you are a gold digger. If you are educated, have a good career, and/or provide for yourself without assistance you’re too independent, seemingly stuck-up and impossible to approach. Leaves us with quite the conundrum, right? The dating pool becomes even more shallow when you adjust for nationality and phenotypes. Dark skinned Black women carry a breadth of stereotypes and insults all their own beyond the generalized plight of all sisters. Factor in broad features, kinky hair, and “lack cultural background” (a fancy way of saying 100% blackity-black-black straight from America), then you’ve added yet another layer of undesirable dating traits.

So why is everyone so up in arms about Issa’s comments? Why are they attacking her for sharing a view, while extremely specific, that Black men are known for perpetuating? Why are they screaming double standards and “bed wench”? I’ll tell you why because she’s a Black woman addressing the very real experiences Black women have with dating. We are ridiculed and mocked on a consistent basis but expected to still put our all into Black men, romantically and socially.

This is not an attack on Black men but a discussion giving incite to what it is we experience daily without any consideration or allies. I am not a Black man and cannot speak for them or what they have encountered while dating but I offer a few suggestions their brethren have so kindly bestowed upon us:

“Choose better women.”

“Not all women are the same.”

“You sound bitter.”

“Before you ask for a good woman, are you a good man?”

“You are what you attract.”

“Stop f**king with little girls and f**k with a real woman.”

There are more but I’m sure you get the point. Any heartbreak you have experienced at the hands of vile women has nothing to do with the lot of us, so you should just let that go or just leave us out of it. In the words of SZA, “why you bother us if you don’t want us?” Until you’re open for an intellectual discussion on the very real dynamics of dating within the Black community I suggest ya’ll leave Issa alone and go cry your fragile male tears elsewhere because we’re over it.


Keigan Ross