I’ve spoken of Black girl friendship and all its magically inexplicable charm but I’m back to touch on something a little more relevant, shady sisterhood. It’s been a long week and people, more specifically sisters, have really been trying me. So, yes this is personal and yes, I’m about to take it there. Sisterhood is something I speak of in high regard and hold to a high standard because as you should have picked up by now, we are all we got.
To kick things off let me be real, I have not always been a good friend. I haven’t always been a supportive or caring friend. It took me growing and maturing and most importantly meeting my best friend for me to become the kind of friend I am today. The ancestors really blessed me when they placed her in my life [inserts praise dance]. I wasn’t always the best friend to her but after a brief hiatus, I managed to get my life together and work to become the friend she deserved.
Friendship/sisterhood is something that I, and my friends, are very serious about. Texting every second of everyday, gossiping nonstop, hanging out every free moment, internet shout outs, nice gifts or showing up at every single event is not friendship. While some of those things are important to a friendship, there’s more to it than that, so much more. Unfortunately, most people don’t understand friendship or have never been in the position where they must develop the traits to become a good friend beyond the constant socializing and filler. While men have equally poor friendship skills and toxic friendships I want to speak specifically on friendships between women because honestly, including men would take all day.
Woman to woman, let’s just put it all on the table. With girl friendships there is seemingly a level of distrust and uncertainty. To be honest, this is rightfully so. I’ve had sisters lie on me, lie to me, talk about me, steal from me, allat. Initially, I feel it’s okay to be cautious with a new friendship because no matter how sweet, kind, or real you think a sister is you can never be sure until you know her. So, if you are the kind of girl who jumps off calling a new friend sis or bestie, either you’re the one to look out for or you’re at risk of playing yourself.
You’re not going to like everybody, get along with everybody, or deal with everybody the same way. I’m not proposing that all sister’s join hands and sing Kumbaya but let’s just lay out some common commandments of friendship.
Thou Shall Not Be Fake On the internet. In the club. At church. NOWHERE. Don’t switch up on your friends no matter who you’re around or where you’re at. If they’re not your friend or no longer your friend just keep your figurative or literal distance. No, you do not have to move to the other side of the street when you see them but if you don’t like somebody or ya’ll simply aren’t friends like that (AKA y’all just cool) you do not have to go out of your way to speak or make conversation. Just go on about your business/keep scrolling/whatever.
Thou Shall Not Throw Shade Look, being shady works for a lot of women, it’s their thing. Real women, real friends for that matter, simply say what’s up. There is no need to sneak diss if you are really friends but then again most of y’all really ain’t. You’ll notice the shady friends are typically the ones always playing victim or heating with somebody for some “unknown” reason. We know why you always beefing, sis, it’s no secret. You have something to say, just say it with your chest!
Thou Shall Recognize Thou Wrongdoings If you don’t have the heart to realize when you’re in the wrong and apologize, you’re not ready to be a friend. Friendships are like any other relationship, you have to be willing to compromise and discuss what’s really going on in order to preserve and better your friendship. If that person is important to you then you need to grow up and communicate or be willing to lose that relationship.
Thou Shall Checketh Up On Thou People I don’t care if they don’t text you right back and you’re feeling a way or if they reject your call, check on your friends. Society has trained us so well to suffer in private that it’s hard to let others in. Do not let your personal feelings keep you from reaching out to your friends just because you’re trying to be petty. Your petty a** better send that text, dial that number, slide in that DM, or pop up if you got to! You can always be petty once you know they’re good.
However, there is a group of women that will never be “good” friends. These are shady sisters. They hang with other shady women but from time to time they rope unsuspecting sisters into their mess of a friendship by playing the role they play best, the laidback self-proclaimed “not messy” chick. They are the type that talk about their besties to you and talk about everyone to their bestie. They’re constantly falling out with their friends for one reason or another, perhaps because they’re shady but, that’s none of my business. Beware of these types, because if you’re not careful you’ll be the next bad guy in their ongoing friendship drama.
Shady sisters are easy to spot if you know what to look for but in case you do know here are a few giveaways:
· They go on and on about how “drama-free” and “out of the mix” they are.
· They are ALWAYS falling out with their other friends.
· Nothing is ever their fault.
· Everything is one-sided.
· Gossip is their favorite pastime.
· They don’t celebrate your wins but expect your unwavering support.
· Finally, they constantly shade you.
Now this all seems basic, but you’d be surprised the things people don’t notice. Nothing is more upsetting than thinking someone is your friend and finding out they are more of an enemy. Friendship can be hard, don’t make it any harder by joining a shady one.